Everything I know I learned from Red Forman

Thanks to That ’70s Show, I envision this occurring when next I see Shark Boy:

SPARKLE PANTS: *leans in seductively, propping ample boobage on forearms*
SPARKLE PANTS: I’ve got a pair to beat a full house~

Forever is tomorrow is today

This afternoon, I spent half an hour in a small room at a doctor’s office with my best friend, listening while an understanding but purposeful doctor drilled her about her mental health. It’s all part of the disability application process. A hard part. A part that leaves people feeling judged and hopeless, because really how much can a complete stranger tell about your disability in such a short amount of time? There’s no easy way to capture what life is like for us; I’ve tried dozens and dozens of times and can never find the right words. Everything seems so simplified and black and white when in reality, it’s a chaotic rollercoaster that we can’t ever exit.

She’s exhausted. When we left the doctor’s office, she was gray. Sweating and gray and shaking like a leaf. When her anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia get really bad, she becomes vacant. A shell. I don’t like it. When other people cause her to shift into that place, I get angry. I don’t like to see my best friend suffer.

I’m not really sure what the point of this is…just a small glimpse into another day in the life. I’m so tired of these days, full of doctors who don’t listen or don’t care or demand evidence that you are as sick as you say even though you’re a shaky, absent, incoherent wreck on the exam table.

I’m tired. Down to the bone tired. And if it’s this hard for me, if it’s this hard for me to draw up the memories of certain days or months or periods of time, then how hard is it for her, the person who has lived them firsthand?

I have dumps like a truck

You know, after months of being stuck in neutral, my life is kind of moving forward. I like it and all but damn, I’m exhausted. Like, I can’t sleep enough. Right now, I’m in bed and half-asleep and writing this post because…I don’t know. I feel a little out of control. Like, I can’t just stop everything and catch my breath. I want to rest for a minute. And I want to stop with the obsessive thinking.

And I’m kind of over people. Not everyone. But kind of people in general. Always disappointing.

Goodnight, dear readers.

Of angels and angles

So last night, I bought myself a present. That present was Foundling by David Gray. Because seriously that album has been out for 800 years and I hadn’t heard it yet. WHAT IS MY LIFE? Well, it is awesome right now because of this CD.

I know I’m DG’s biggest fangirl and I really won’t ever shut up about him once I start and I swoon over him daily and everyone just wants me to shut the fuck up about him already…WHATEVER, DON’T JUDGE ME. I haven’t even gotten to listen to the bonus disc yet. THAT IS HOW FUCKING AMAZING THE FIRST DISC IS. I am bowled over CONSTANTLY that this man can create such beautiful things at such high, quality volumes. Like, a lot of Foundling is cast-offs from Draw the Line, an album which is ASTOUNDING IN ITS OWN RIGHT. Right now, my favorite song is, not surprisingly, “Holding On”. That song is fuuuuuucking brilliant.

I have dropped the eff bomb enough in this post, so I’ll go ahead and shut up now.

Except to say that the next two days are BIG DAYS for me, work-wise, and I am FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT. Like, I fully intended to spend tonight prepping and instead I sat around being lazy. SHIT FUCK GODDAMN.

All I can do is keep breathing

At first it was good. Better than good. It was mind-numbingly euphoric. Tingles in my fingertips. A heady excitement that consumed me from top to bottom.

And now it is a wallowing valley of mire and shadeless shadows.

Look at all the fucks I give!

WOW WHAT A WEEK FOR DOUCHEBAGS.

Okay, so first things first, work is pretty awesome and I enjoy being employed LIKE A BOSS. My coworkers are nice and fun to work with and we get shit done while still being awesome. I am terrified of the day when I am shoved into the swimming pool and forced to sink or swim, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Other than that though, holy balls. People were supremely douchey this week. First there is Little Girl, who I have written off as a person I ever want to have anything to do with again. I can take or leave Little Girl, but she is kind of involved in The BFF’s life, so while I can be flip and give zero fucks about her, I still need to be supportive of The BFF. And then there is this other person, who I will not mention by name or otherwise right now, but ugh. If you read my blog, just…ugh. Go away. I don’t want your traffic here.

Now. I NEED TO GET MY ASS IN BED. Well. It’s already IN bed but it needs to get to sleep. Also: can we take a moment to observe the awesometasticness of Wisconsin, Libya, and Bahrain (not to mention all of the other countries fighting to have their voices heard)? Because damn, y’all. YOU ARE GETTING SHIT DONE.

Upon my last work-free weekend

So you know how I posted a link to those red velvet cheesecake brownies? Guess who came home yesterday with red velvet cupcakes? TWELVE. I ate mine last night. IT WAS SO GOOD OMFG. Like, it was so sweet and sugary and exactly what I needed in my liiiiiiiiiiife.

I’m looking forward to my first day of work. Looking forward to and also VERY TERRIFIED THAT I WILL BE HORRIBLE AT MY JOB. I feel like this every time I start a new job. Deep breath. It’ll be okay, Sparkle Pants. Every Sunday evening for the past few months, I’ve looked wistfully out the window as people move around, wishing I was like them and mentally preparing for the next morning. AND NOW I AM AMONG THEM. It’s a very good feeling.

Apparently later we’re going to the antique fair(e?) and that will be fun because that ish is magically delicious.

I want to eat The BFF’s leftover nachos from their date last night. But I’m going to be good and not do that.

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies (via Sweet Pea’s Kitchen)

EAT EAT EAT ALL DAY LONG

Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies These Red Velvet Cheesecake Brownies are rich, decadent and so perfect for Valentine's Day! Brownie and cheesecake batter are swirled together to make a festive and impressive dessert. Indianapolis, along with many other states in the Midwest, is coping with a huge ice storm that is supposed to cover us in over an inch of ice. Unfortunately the worst of the storm is supposed to come tonight. Today the school district that I work for was actually … Read More

via Sweet Pea's Kitchen

Lemon Herb Dutch Oven Chicken (via From the Little Yellow Kitchen)

REBAGEL BECAUSE THIS LOOKS AWESOME AND WORTHY OF CAPSLOCK

Lemon Herb Dutch Oven Chicken I have been wanting to do this for a while now… but I needed a little inspiration. Thanks so much Julie @ The Little Kitchen ! With the temptation of a delicious¬† rotisserie chicken at a steal of a price for just $6.99 and ready to eat, it's so hard to turn down. And the stores are smart, they always have these sitting on a warmer, right near the checkout. Normally, I'd just grab one and go, but not this time; this time I sacked up and bought a … Read More

via From the Little Yellow Kitchen

I HAVE NEWS

INTERNET, I GOT A JOB. A J-O-B. A REAL ONE THAT PAYS ME MONEY ON A REGULAR BASIS. SUCCESSSSSSSSS.

I don’t have much other news than that. I did just discover that you can rebagel things on WP now, so I’m probably going to show you a post I just found for a delicious chicken recipe. Because OM NOM NOM FOOD.

OH THAT’S ANOTHER THING ABOUT HAVING A JOB: REGULAR ACCESS TO FOOD. So I can start getting back on the wagon in terms of not being a failing pile of disorder when it comes to eating. One of the first things I’m going to do when I get paid is make a huge fucking dinner, with like, a huge fucking dessert at the end. And I guess I might let other people eat some of it, too. Last night, Twelve made us bacon bison burgers to celebrate and omfg you guys, you haven’t lived until you’ve eaten one of his bison burgers. It’s like a party in your mouth and then a party in your belly. Tonight we’re having brownies and ice cream and champagne. LIKE A BOSS.

P.S.
SO I REMEMBER FOR LATER: HOSNI MUBARAK STEPPED DOWN AS PRESIDENT OF EGYPT TODAY. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PEACEFUL REVOLUTION, PEOPLE!