Category Archives: TV machine

What you have to look forward to!

Hey kids reading this! Guess what? You have something awesome to look forward to in adulthood! WATCHING BASEBALL AND DRINKING MARGARITAS.

I bought three books this afternoon on my lunch break because all of my books are far away with my parents. And also because the used bookstore is seriously across the street from my office HOW CAN I NOT? (Which is exactly what I told the man who owns it/was working for it) I got two books I had never heard of (I’d tell you what they are but they’re in the other room and it’s SO FAR AWAY) and one book I had: The Laughing Place by Pam Durban. I first read that book in 2003 or 2004, after a dear friend of mine passed away. The book made a lot of sense to me and helped me kind of deal with the confusion and sadness I felt. So I bought it. MINE ALL MINE NOW.

Unrelated to THAT but related to my first paragraph, I’m supposed to watch clips of Buster Posey’s injury from the other night AND I AM SCURRED TO DO IT, INTERNETS. Because my BFF tells me that he writhes in pain and crawls around on his arms and I am kind of scared to see it because it just sounds awful.

NEWSFLASH: Wilson is warming up in the bullpen. YAY.

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Sleepy with a side of heartburn

FRIDAY. THREE DAY WEEKEND. I AM ALREADY ANTICIPATING 5:30PM.

We didn’t do much tonight. We took last night and tonight off from move-related matters because we were getting grumpy and frazzled and we both just needed some down time from all the chaos. Things are a little better except now I have some raging heartburn. Blech.

Tonight we watched a documentary that I had seen part of before and that BFF had seen all of – Super High Me. I love it, mostly because pot jokes by people who smoke pot are hilarious. But I got angry at the end when they showed the DEA raiding the dispensaries. I always get angry when people try to stand in the way of help for the people who need it most. The healthcare system in this country is fucking atrocious and I defy you to find an example of how it is awesome for someone with little to no income and chronic illnesses or pre-existing conditions. GIVE ME CONCRETE EVIDENCE OF HOW OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM GIVES A FUCK AND MAYBE I’LL CHANGE MY TUNE.

MAYBE.

So when I watch the DEA taking away the medication that a lot of people rely on to function pain free or anxiety free or nausea free or WHATEVER FREE, I get really angry. Why not just go down to the local Rite Aid and close down that pharmacy too? Because the shit they’re pushing is way more harmful than the stuff being sold at dispensaries.

Everything I know I learned from Red Forman

Thanks to That ’70s Show, I envision this occurring when next I see Shark Boy:

SPARKLE PANTS: *leans in seductively, propping ample boobage on forearms*
SPARKLE PANTS: I’ve got a pair to beat a full house~

Much too young to feel this damn old

“It’s infected! If this was a human being, I’d shoot it in the face.” -Roy, “The I.T. Crowd”

JFC THIS SHOW IS BRILLIANT.

So on Monday, we thought it’d be a great idea to do lots of Wii Fit and then go for a bike ride. Internet, I’ve not ridden a bike since my youth. I don’t remember the last time but I was probably 12 or so, and I was on my brother’s blue and yellow Huffy. I might have been a little older than 12. I stopped using it when I outgrew it and since I grew up on a farm with unpaved roads, there was no reason (and I had no desire) to get a grown up bicycle.

All of that to say that I rode a bike with like, gears. LOTS OF THEM. It was more fun than I remembered (and it was all started by reading Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen, who is fabulous), and we rode to the park down the street. It was a very short ride but just long enough for me. It was also my first exposure to riding on pavement, riding over speed bumps, and riding with cars on the road. I didn’t fall down once and I felt GREAT. My ass hurt right away but man, my brain was so stoked that I didn’t care.

And then like, three hours later, when I was at home and showered and in comfortable clothes, my body was like “fuck the hell out of you.”

IT IS STILL PISSED AT ME. This morning I had a lot of nervous energy and went on another Wii Fit spree. I got a little too enthusiastic about everything (advanced step and advanced boxing and also the arm-flappy bird thing and downward facing dog ohhh god) and now I can barely keep my upper body aloft. My ass hurts from the bicycle ride on Monday and I’m just like…too young to feel this way.

THIS IS WHY I NEED TO BE IN BETTER SHAPE.

I look forward to more bike riding. But for right now, I’m looking forward to getting some sleep. Because damn.

Clamantha!

Insomnia, my old friend. Fortunately I can stay in bed, not sleeping and typing this post on my phone. Three cheers for technology! I’m actually lying here waiting for Roommate to leave so I can snag some breakfast. Maybe food will help? Maybe a hammer to the skull would be more efficient…it’d certainly be messier.

Okay, so we’ve been watching a lot of Disney channel lately, after having gone months without really watching much of anything. I had forgotten how comforting mindless shows and safe television (lacking commercials full of sex and shows full of obnoxious adults) can be.

BACK TO MY POINT. There’s a new show on called Fish Hooks. It’s a cartoon mixed with uh…copypasta animation? You know, where they insert real images that are digitally altered and then animated? Hard to explain. Anyway, it’s about a sea creature school that appears to take place in a pet store.

IT IS HILARIOUS. At first it was annoying but the more I watch it, the funnier it is. There’s an octopus named Jocktopus, who is…a jock. Like, in this one episode, he wants to beat up one of the fish (either Oscar or Milo) and he’s all “Jocktopus has eight friends for you!” and then he holds up one of his tentacles and says “This one is Jocktopus’ favorite.”

COMEDY GOLD AMIRITE?

But my favorite character that isn’t the character voiced by Chelsea Staub who I love and who also needs to marry Joe Jonas but omg seriously. My favorite character is Clamantha. I haven’t paid enough attention to figure out why, but no one likes Clamantha and she’s always trying to trick people into picking her for stuff. She’s a clam, she wears a headband and she has googly eyes.

I feel sleepy now, so maybe breakfast will wait a few hours. My goal for today is to get an ice cream at McDonald’s. Unemployment makes me ambitious!

Nada

I have a lot on my mind. I think I’ve mentioned this to you before, internets. When the new spring semester starts in January, I will be taking a class (if they ever add me, that is) and this is something I find moderately stressful for a variety of reasons. At least once or twice a week, I sway back and forth between really, really wanting to start grad school and really, really wanting to not start grad school. And it’s not like January equals grad school. Heavens, no. It just means I’m one step closer to starting and that’s enough to send me into a mild panic.

There’s something else that’s bothering me: my stunning inability to put together words. I sit down with every intention to write, feeling that wave of creativity surging up in my brain, and then I sit here and stare at the screen for long periods of time. I either sit and stare or just avoid it all together because really, who needs this kind of stress?

Well, I do frankly. I love that stress. Or I used to love that stress, back when something came of it. These days I’m too tired or too busy or not inspired or seemingly too inspired. I mentally go through the process until I convince myself that I’ll end up getting tired after ten minutes anyway, so why even bother starting?

This type of thinking has got to stop. I’ve written a lot of schlocky crap in my day but there are a few things I’ve written that are actually not complete steaming piles schlocky crap and no one is perfect and just write already, woman. It’s what you love. But alas, I’m afraid this love affair might be over. This saddens me more than you can possibly ever know. It’s like someone held me down and cut out my heart with a plastic spoon.

Speaking of which, this morning I had a dream that the janjaweed attacked me and hacked me up with machetes. I survived because Veronica Mars showed up and saved me. I was pretty bummed in the dream, not only because those machetes really hurt but also because Logan Echolls wasn’t there to rescue me. Later, I dreamed that my contacts were the size of my head.

Things I hate except for the fact that I actually love them:

+ Veronica Mars
+ The O.C.
+ Soup

Do you watch Ugly Betty, internets? If you don’t, you should. For many reasons, the least of which being Salma Hayek strutting around looking hot. I’m in love with Daniel. Just so you know. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise to you since he wears ties, has sticky-uppy hair, and is a total shmuck 90% of the time.

This not being able to write thing is destroying me.

YYYAAAWWWNNNNN

Oh boy, am I tired! Today was a blustery, rainy day and I spent all of it inside shivering and sneezing because my office is Alaska. Now my mouth is itching and my throat is kind of itchy and so is my nose.

Tonight (or rather last night, since it’s past midnight) was the first anniversary of The Colbert Report. I wasn’t too impressed with it at first. It seemed too dry and bland. Now I almost enjoy it more than The Daily Show. But I think instead I enjoy them differently. My respect for Stephen Colbert has increased ten-fold. He’s muy funny. And just fabulous. And adorable.

By the way, Jon Stewart has aged reall well. I mean, he just keeps looking better and better. Also, I love it when he talks about his wife on his show. Amy Sedaris kept bringing her (Tracey) up and Jon mentioned that she (his wife) had steam-cleaned everything before Oprah came over to their house.

Time for bed!

Exploitotown

I’m tired. I’m very tired. I don’t know what to talk about tonight. I’m watching The Daily Show right now and Jon is discussing Mark Foley and it was taped before the press conference about Foley being gay and having been molested as a teen by a clergyman. Of course, I can’t keep up with all the walls being thrown up around Foley but it makes me wonder. The Religious Right is hell-bent on damning gays because they are evil and sick and perverted pedophiles and these gays have been turned gay by all the molestation by Catholic priests. And if they weren’t molested, then they simply chose to turn gay. Or they got infected by the gayness. At any rate, Foley is gay. And the Right is more or less saying, “Well of course he is a child predator. He’s GAY! And all gays love little boys!”

See how tired I am? I’m so tired I can’t make sense. Someone should make me something to eat. And also give me some ideas for future posts. Because really? This is why no one reads my blog.

Not only am I beautiful, but I’m also very, very tough!

This week I’m avoiding CNN. It is quite possibly safe now since the 9/11 hysteria is dying down and maybe I won’t be faced with that banner telling me I can watch all of CNN’s 9/11 footage as it happened! because let me tell you just how much I don’t want to do that. So what do you do in the morning when you don’t want to watch CNN? You watch Nick, Jr. Some of my favorite cartoons are on in the mornings: Fairly Odd Parents, Spongebob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer…yesterday I was enthralled by Blue’s Clues and this gem, the Backyardigans. CGI animals that act like kids, are very diverse, and have adventures every day. IN THEIR BACKYARD.

I know, right? So clever.

My favorite is Uniqua because how can you not like someone with a name like that? They’re all fairly loveable and when they sing and dance, I find myself humming along stupidly as I apply my makeup (as opposed to when I am watching Blue’s Clues and ironing in my clothes, wherein I melt all over the place because Blue is just too.cute.for.words).

Today the Backyardigans were playing Vikings. They wore viking hats and yelled YARRRR! a lot and sang songs about how tough they are. Uniqua was a viking (a twirly, pink viking but a viking nonetheless). Tasha, the little yellow hippo, laughed at them from the side yard of the house because she was a mermaid who was not only beautiful but also very, very tough, too! Tougher than vikings.

The highlight of the episode was, quite possibly, the moment when Pablo and Tyron did the chest-bump to demonstrate their manly vikingness. I also loved when Tyron went on and on about the doldrums. Not only are they CGI and ethnically diverse* but they’re smart, too!

* Austin, the token white kid, was not present in this episode. He must’ve been at home eating his Mac & Cheese and watching Barney with his blogging** mommy.

** I have nothing against blogging mommies. Or white kids. Or Mac & Cheese. I do have something against Barney, though.

You’d think the actors could, well, act

We’re watching the Emmy’s because we’re pulling for Grey’s Anatomy to win some things and also because we want West Wing to break its tie with Hill Street Blues’ for number of wins. Oh yeah, and there’s that little perk of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (good evening, godless Sodomites!) and Girl In the Cafe winning three awards! We turned it on in time to see Kelly MacDonald win her Emmy. We were so happy. That movie was great. But really, these actors can’t act when it comes to the award presentations. They painfully chop their way through the lines and attempt (and fail) to be funny. So far, the only ones who have pulled it off were Stewart and Colbert and that’s because they were doing what they do every night.

And now onto other things…

Lately I haven’t felt like talking to you, Internets. It’s not that I don’t like you or that I’m getting back at you for letting me out of the house that one time when I was wearing that one outfit (you know the one I’m talking about). I’ve just been in a mood. I haven’t had a lot to say and what I’ve had to say hasn’t really felt like something I should discuss here. You know, the usual: war, human rights, mean people, school…well, okay. Everything. I’m not sure how to sort it all out and I’m not sure what any of it means. Does it mean anything?

So anyway, Internets, I’m sorry. Please accept my apologies. I do love you, I just need some space.