Category Archives: Fat Pants

Mmmmm fat hatred

10 reasons it’s not okay to be fat, courtesy of the University of Toronto student newspaper (cleverly entitled “The Newspaper”).

1. Public health care – why should the rest of us have to pay high taxes for you to eat yourself to death?
2. Nobody likes you. Except for, possibly, other fat people.
3. Even if you’re successful, it just means you’ll have enough money to become a drug addict and kill yourself like Chris Farley.
4. Because I don’t want to ever have to think about fat people again.
5. Not only do you frighten children, but you’re also setting a bad example.
6. You ruin pictures.
7. You ruin moments.
8. The thought of you ever having sex single-handedly ruins the day of at least 50% of the people whom you meet.
9. Because only aircraft are meant to be equipped with flaps. Their flaps serve a purpose.
10. It’s fucking disgusting.

Yay! Hatred! Would it be okay to post this list if we changed it from reasons it’s not okay to be fat to, I don’t know, reasons it’s not okay to be Muslim (I actually know a lot of people who could make a 100 item list and that not only saddens me but also scares the living fuck out of me)? Or reasons it’s not okay to be black? Jewish? Gay? Female? (H/T Big Fat Blog)

Now if you’ll excuse me, Frodo and Sam are on my television and it’s making me miss my Frodo, so I’m going to call her. Cheerio!


But how am I supposed to know if I’m fat or not???

Quiz Rocket has a wonderful banner at MySpace for their are you fat? quiz. I took the quiz, just to see if I was fat or not but they want you to complete a lot of offers (and give them a valid street address) before they’ll tell you, so I’m stuck not knowing! Bastards.

I’d like to know how they’re going to determine your size based on these questions because really, does my not drinking Coke Zero (or Coke at all, like I chose) peg me as fat or not? Based on my answers, I assume I would’ve gotten either not fat-and-lazy or omg fat (not to be mistaken with omg shoes). Or maybe I would’ve gotten okay-with-myself? I guess I’ll never know.

I think I look all right

H/t Kate Harding @ Shapely Prose, who H/t’s someone else. The makers of Wallace and Gromit took interviews with ordinary humans about their appearance and then made it into one of the best thing I’ve ever seen.

Come pick me up

You know, the only problem with having people over to your house is that eventually they leave (it’s not like they have a forty minute drive or anything, jeez) and you’re left in a place with a lot of space to fill. Two of my good friends came over tonight and the three of us sat in the den and talked for a good long while about a lot of different things. I had a very pleasant time and am glad they came over because this morning got off to a rough start. I read a particularly bad-feeling-inducing post at Shapely Prose (see right for link to that blog) and that coupled with a bizarre dream in which someone I care about a great deal nearly got his head forcibly removed from his body made for a pretty meh kind of day. I cleaned (and how, which is surprisingly because the house didn’t seem that dirty to begin with) (of course, my fervency could have been related to the icky feeling, which actually started several nights ago when I watched Hope Floats on TV before going to sleep because that movie, while enjoyable, sometimes really makes me feel awful because of the things it makes me remember, and last night, I didn’t go to bed until 3:30 or so because the itchy crazies were tapping me on the shoulder and really, I was folding laundry at 2am and at 3am, I was spraying a stain on the carpet with Woolite with OxyClean, so really, today was pretty much a wash)…

I got lost in my own parenthetical.

My point is that tonight was a sigh of relief and now I am listening to my Ryan Adams Radio playlist (created on iTunes, with the helpful guidance of Pandora — Ryan Adams, The Jayhawks, Whiskeytown, Band of Horses, Sun Kil Moon, Ray LaMontagne, and The Shins) whilst sipping a glass of Merlot. Later, once I have satisfied my wine quota for the evening, I will go climb in bed with a movie. But for now? Well, for now, I’m going to feed the mouse.

Mean people suck

I’m in the middle of doing homework (we’re working on “Shiloh” by Bobbie Ann Mason, in case you’re interested) but a few things have popped up into my consciousness since I got home that I just need to rant about.

1. Bush calling the 4,000 dead 4,000 foundations of peace. I mean, really all this man has to do is open his mouth and I go spiraling into a hysterical, hair-pulling fit.

2. Maxim’s unsexiest women list. I know that I’m about six months too late to the show but really? Really? We need to stoop to this level? Women don’t have enough self-image problems that we need to throw this in there? I shouldn’t be so surprised to see that men have, yet again, whittled down a woman’s worth to her sexual attractiveness but this just hurts. And what’s more, it hurts everyone. I struggle a lot, especially lately, with how I appear to others. It’s hard work learning to love yourself and I still can’t find ways to shut up that little voice who keeps telling me to just eat once a day. It’s there and it’s constant and this is a perfect segue into the next point.

3. People getting way too excited about scantily clad, barely-legal dancers. Yes, please. Let’s objectify women a bit more, shall we?

I hate you all.

Calories in, calories out

This morning on one of my ventures to and from the airport, I heard an interview with Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo’s first female CEO. At first, I was really excited about this interview. Here she is, living out the American dream (well, the American dream for people who aren’t, you know, American): at 23 she moved to the States to attend business school and from there, she kind of kicked ass and eventually became the CEO of a major corporation. She was in the first female Indian rock band, she still talks to her mom twice a day (when she wakes up and just before she goes to bed, too cute!), and she is well-spoken and articulate. You know how I feel about corporations but you know, it’s awesome to see women succeeding and I was enjoying the interview until…

…the obesity question popped up. She was quick to clarify that PepsiCo manufactures things other than “junk food” (Quaker oatmeal products, which are a win in my book) but the guy interviewing pressed the question. What should she be doing about this crisis? She initially responded with, “We have to first look at what causes obesity,” and I was two seconds from honking my horn in the pre-dawn light with glee. Someone is going to talk about this shit! For reals! Awesome!

And then she said obesity is caused by people consuming too many calories and not burning enough off. And then I thought about all the really thin people I know who eat twice or three times as much as me and don’t exercise and don’t gain an ounce. And then I stabbed myself in the face with my displeasure.

I did my fair share of calorie counting back in the day and this what I learned:
1. I rarely ate more than 1,200 calories a day (this was without restricting myself)
2. If I went over the “goal” I had set for myself (somewhere between 1,250 and 1,500), even if only by 20 calories, I spent the next few days feeling like a miserable failure.
3. Because I spent the next few days feeling like a miserable failure, I fell face-first into every food substance within reach.

Nooyi went on to talk about how when she was little, she got home from school and immediately went outside to play. Well, so did I. Your point being, Ms. Nooyi? She also said that nowadays, kids come home and go straight to the computer (she said specifically her child does this), to which I answer…okay then, restrict your child’s computer time. I know, easier said than done. A lot of parents aren’t home to enforce those restrictions and kids are, sadly, more or less left to their own devices between school letting out and their parents arriving home from work.

She did mention the time crunch that most Americans feel these days. It’s much easier to grab something from a drive-thru (or something from the freezer section of the store) than it is to go home and prepare a meal (and a healthy one, at that). I think this is a valid point that a lot of people overlook when they rail on folks for being overweight. Another point they overlook: the cost of living verses what people bring home. I’ve mentioned this before but it bears repeating: a lot of people just can’t afford to stock their fridges with produce every fews days or every week. It’s expensive and you can get so much more mileage out of other foods for less money.

Anyway, I went from being totally enamored with this woman to having to click off the radio before I punched my fist through it. Another funny thing I heard on the radio: an advertisement for CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) for people who want to “overcome fears, depression, smoking, or overweight”. How, exactly, does one overcome overweight?

Non-related item: if you aren’t hooked up with Pandora yet, you really need to get over there and check it out, especially if you are in need of some new music. I have been listening to my Ryan Adams Radio the entire week and haven’t gotten tired of it yet. I also have Mazzy Star Radio, The Album Leaf Radio, and Dave Matthews Band Radio, but I don’t listen to that last one because guess what? It just plays music I already listen to.

That was when I changed the channel

So I’m sitting here in bed, enjoying a little BBC America action (How Clean is Your House?) and all of a sudden, I realize that it’s 11 and the programming has just changed. To “You Are What You Eat”. I always scramble to change the channel when those types of shows come because advertisements are bad enough that I don’t need a television show chiding me for, you know, keeping myself alive by consuming food. What I saw of the opening of this particular episode showed the host, a woman not unlike Ann Coulter, screaming at these people to BUY MORE VEGGIES YOU HAVE TO BUY MORE VEGGIES. Because everyone can afford to drop that kind of money on veggies every week. If this woman went grocery shopping with me, she’d probably die of a heart attack disease that thin people die of (if they die at all because we all know that thin = healthy!). I don’t buy veggies very often. Usually I only have a limited amount of money $10-$25 and need to buy as much food as I can for that price. Sadly, that means no veggies (or chocolate or beer or ice cream).

Just before I changed the channel, the show proclaimed that the host keeps people “on the straight and narrow” because get it? Thin people are NARROW and fat people aren’t!!!! HAHAHA!

Start your eating disorder early, girls!

This is sad. Sad, sad, sad. There are other links I could share but I don’t want to disturb you all too much. In case you aren’t getting all click-happy, Tampax and its parent company, Proctor & Gamble, have a wonderful website instructing girls on how to develop eating disorders. It includes such disordered habits as posting little reminders to yourself all over the house asking how hungry are you exactly and to be aware of your “problem areas” or “problem times of the day” so you know not to be around food when, you know, you’re hungry. If that’s not enough for you, maybe you’ll want to read the comments from little girls who are already worried about being fat and one girl who says that she believes that Americans binge eat since 9/11 because she was in second grade then and was small then but now she is just so BIG. Because, you know, she’s a freshman in high school now. It’s not like she went through puberty or anything.

This is SAD, people. I know that there’s a lot of focus on little girls but little boys deal with these things now, too. These are the things being marketed toward children, YOUR children, and it just disgusts and saddens me on your behalf. I just…I just can’t imagine…I remember being that age and feeling so unattractive and fat and unacceptable. I wish to god I could go back and hug young me, cuddle young me, and tell young me that I am beautiful and wonderful and worth SO MUCH MORE than “they” (whoever that is) led me to believe.

I love you, internets. Whoever you are visiting this and reading this, I love you! I love every inch of you! You’re beautiful! Give yourself a big hug. Pet your shoulders and knees. Thank your tummy for digesting your dinner! And if you have kids, hug them and love them no matter what. Remind them of that every day.

You left the house looking like THAT?

This morning I put on what to many people would seem like hardly any makeup but for me is a lot of makeup. You know, eye shadow (two! shades!) AND mascara AND blush, oh my! I put on one of my favorite outfits and my awesome $5 thrifted Sketchers boots and left the house feeling awesome. But while I was getting ready, a thought flitted through my head, a thought that almost always flits through my head before I go somewhere: will people think I’m a slob if I go out looking like this?

You see, I generally just don’t give a crap what people think, so I will leave the house in sweat pants or pajama pants (if I’m running to the store; I don’t wear these things to work, no matter how much I wish I could) and usually my hair is pulled back in a ponytail or a messy bun-like structure. I wear makeup to work and usually it’s just foundation. But at the same time, while I don’t care what people think, I do care what they think. If that makes sense. See, when you’re fat, a lot of people look at you and assume a few things:

1. All you do is eat McDonald’s/Twinkies/potato chips/lard straight from a bucket all day long.
2. You are dumb.
3. You are a lazy slob.
4. You are not human.

I know that my I-don’t-care appearance can be (and probably is) written off as a result of my fatness, which is a result of my lazy slobness, and that since I feel so rotten about myself on the inside, I can’t be bothered to look good. I’m not exactly sure who society wants me to look good for but I feel that pressure everyday when I leave the house. I don’t care what people think but I really don’t want them to think that I’m a lazy slob. So I feel extra guilty when I leave the house looking less than perfect because omg! now people will see that I am fat and a lazy slob! It angers me because I know if I knocked 100 pounds off my frame and left the house in the same condition that real me leaves the house, 100 pounds less me would have that air of cuteness and not caringness that is oft attributed to my smaller sisters. It would show that 100 pounds less me doesn’t conform to patriarchal standards! Whereas real me? Is a lazy slob who can’t take care of her appearance.

What about you guys? Not to make you think about all the ways society judges you and makes you feel worthless (because you aren’t! There is only love in the Sparkle Pantsosphere! Unless you’re a douchebag, then I reserve the right to mock you and dislike you a great deal), but do any of you experience this? Something similar? Something entirely different?

What about my male readers (I know there are like, THREE of you!)? What do you experience that is similar? Anything?

And for the record, I feel cute today, so society can bite my ass.

Holy incoming blog traffic, Batman!

So I’m thisclose to breaking my biggest traffic day ever (back in May, with a whopping 38 visits!)…and upon checking it again, WordPress reset itself in the last four hours. SCORE! Well. I was at 34, I think. That’s because I gave my url to some awesome folks in teh fatosphere.

Regular readers, say hello to the Fatosphere! Fatosphere, say hello to my…one…regular reader(s)!

For those of you coming here for the first time, I should tell you that I don’t blog a lot about fat activism; I’m not fat-centered, content-wise (how many hyphens can I use?), but you know, I’m a part of it.

I’ve had 2 hours of sleep and very little food and I spent the afternoon and tonight analyzing Steinbeck and I don’t like him and my brain is in a puddle on the floor.

I’m going to give y’all a proper introduction of me later. Or maybe sooner. I can’t decide!