Category Archives: lolz

From the annals of my photo library

I haven’t been sleeping well, so I don’t have a lot of energy right now to make a post. HOWEVER. Tonight I went swimming and watched a baseball game (on tv) and thought about cute boys and how much I like cute boys…with pretty eyes…

BUT I DIGRESS.

Here are some things I found on my phone. I have another one to take at some point, of something HILARIOUS I saw this morning but I’m too lazy to go take a picture of it. DEAL WITH IT.

This is my phone wallpaper. I MISS YOU BUSTER.

My fortune from P.F. Changs

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THIS JUST IN

Andres Torres is workin’ with some junk in his trunk.

Like, his ass got back to first before he did.

Everything I know I learned from Red Forman

Thanks to That ’70s Show, I envision this occurring when next I see Shark Boy:

SPARKLE PANTS: *leans in seductively, propping ample boobage on forearms*
SPARKLE PANTS: I’ve got a pair to beat a full house~

Of angels and angles

So last night, I bought myself a present. That present was Foundling by David Gray. Because seriously that album has been out for 800 years and I hadn’t heard it yet. WHAT IS MY LIFE? Well, it is awesome right now because of this CD.

I know I’m DG’s biggest fangirl and I really won’t ever shut up about him once I start and I swoon over him daily and everyone just wants me to shut the fuck up about him already…WHATEVER, DON’T JUDGE ME. I haven’t even gotten to listen to the bonus disc yet. THAT IS HOW FUCKING AMAZING THE FIRST DISC IS. I am bowled over CONSTANTLY that this man can create such beautiful things at such high, quality volumes. Like, a lot of Foundling is cast-offs from Draw the Line, an album which is ASTOUNDING IN ITS OWN RIGHT. Right now, my favorite song is, not surprisingly, “Holding On”. That song is fuuuuuucking brilliant.

I have dropped the eff bomb enough in this post, so I’ll go ahead and shut up now.

Except to say that the next two days are BIG DAYS for me, work-wise, and I am FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT. Like, I fully intended to spend tonight prepping and instead I sat around being lazy. SHIT FUCK GODDAMN.

It’s like candy but with hands!

Me: *digging through purse for hand sanitizer*

Me: *pulls out bottle, opens lid*

Twelve: *gasp!* HEYYYYY! Oh my godddd!

Me: Do you want some?

Twelve: *holds out hands* I just washed my hands but YES PLEASE.

The BFF: IS IT CANDY I WANT SOME…oh. It’s just hand sanitizer.

Twelve: It’s so amazing! *gleeful*

She said pitifully

Me, on the floor and groaning as I readjust my legs: Owwww my hips

The BFF: Your hips?

Me, pitifully: My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps

:(

Okay and also

I found this on Tumblr and idek who came up with this genius idea but I sent it to my mom because I was like, SHE WOULD MARRY THE SHIT OUT OF THIS CAKE.

I mustache your opinion on this cake

State of My Pants (SOMP)

I hated today. I hated it slightly less than I hated yesterday, except for the last 45 minutes or so. Now I hate today as much as I hated yesterday, if not more. SHAME ON YOU, TODAY. SHAME ON YOU.

Today was the State of the Union. Sigh. The state of the union is NOT GOOD. And it appears that it will continue being NOT GOOD for a while. What I thought of the speech is unimportant to this blog because I don’t feel like talking much about politics right now. Take your discussion elsewhere, internets.

All right, so the state of my pants is not that great either. There hasn’t been much change in anything at all. I’m waiting for my new bank card to show up. I’m applying for jobs each day. I’m fighting, and mostly winning, a battle against running far, far away. NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN~

The state of my pants is over-dramatic. I feel like I’m thirteen.

Also? GIVE ME ALL THE FRIED FOOD IN THE LAND. Seriously. Hand it over and no one gets hurt. I refuse to say that I’m “eating my feelings” because I don’t believe in giving food a moral value. You know why? BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EFFING HAVE ONE. There is no good food and there is no bad food. There is just food and it all has nutritional value. Even those gummy bears in your hand. Calories! Which can be converted into energy! Also, are you hungry? Do you want a cupcake? Or a stalk of broccoli? THEN EAT THEM. Life is too short to worry about what you’re putting in your mouth. Your value isn’t in the number on the scale or printed on the tag stitched into your britches. I mean, yeah, it feels like it is but guess what? There are so many people out there who don’t actually give a shit what you weigh or what size your pants are, and the ones that do are probably doucherockets anyway and you don’t need to waste your time on them.

AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP CONCERN TROLLING AND POLICING THE BODIES OF OTHER PEOPLE? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MY HEALTH BECAUSE IT’S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS. AND YES, MY ASS IS FAT THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.

The state of my pants is very fat! And also sexy.

I bought SUPER CHUNK yarn to knit a cowl for The BFF. I sat down before dinner to get it on the needles and joined and stuff, and then I ate dinner, and then I came back and knit for a row. Things seemed…odd. But I ignored it. I knit another row. AND THEN THINGS SEEMED VERY AFOOT D: So then I knit another row because hey, I’m smart like that. And then I realized I could not tolerate the absolute horridness of my creation and I frogged it. Now the yarn is cast on but I haven’t done anything else with it.

The state of my pants is crafty.

I’ve had a headache for a few days. I’m not sure why and today was dotted with jaw pain, which probably means I’m spending my time with my jaw clenched, which I do without noticing until it feels like my face is going to fall off.

The state of my pants is owwwwww :(

Clamantha!

Insomnia, my old friend. Fortunately I can stay in bed, not sleeping and typing this post on my phone. Three cheers for technology! I’m actually lying here waiting for Roommate to leave so I can snag some breakfast. Maybe food will help? Maybe a hammer to the skull would be more efficient…it’d certainly be messier.

Okay, so we’ve been watching a lot of Disney channel lately, after having gone months without really watching much of anything. I had forgotten how comforting mindless shows and safe television (lacking commercials full of sex and shows full of obnoxious adults) can be.

BACK TO MY POINT. There’s a new show on called Fish Hooks. It’s a cartoon mixed with uh…copypasta animation? You know, where they insert real images that are digitally altered and then animated? Hard to explain. Anyway, it’s about a sea creature school that appears to take place in a pet store.

IT IS HILARIOUS. At first it was annoying but the more I watch it, the funnier it is. There’s an octopus named Jocktopus, who is…a jock. Like, in this one episode, he wants to beat up one of the fish (either Oscar or Milo) and he’s all “Jocktopus has eight friends for you!” and then he holds up one of his tentacles and says “This one is Jocktopus’ favorite.”

COMEDY GOLD AMIRITE?

But my favorite character that isn’t the character voiced by Chelsea Staub who I love and who also needs to marry Joe Jonas but omg seriously. My favorite character is Clamantha. I haven’t paid enough attention to figure out why, but no one likes Clamantha and she’s always trying to trick people into picking her for stuff. She’s a clam, she wears a headband and she has googly eyes.

I feel sleepy now, so maybe breakfast will wait a few hours. My goal for today is to get an ice cream at McDonald’s. Unemployment makes me ambitious!

LOL DELURK, YOU LURKERS

THAT INCLUDES ME.

LULZ.

I AM FAIL AT BLOGGING.

Okay but seriously, delurk. I did, so you can too!