Category Archives: Boys can be stupid too

Look at all the fucks I give!


Okay, so first things first, work is pretty awesome and I enjoy being employed LIKE A BOSS. My coworkers are nice and fun to work with and we get shit done while still being awesome. I am terrified of the day when I am shoved into the swimming pool and forced to sink or swim, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Other than that though, holy balls. People were supremely douchey this week. First there is Little Girl, who I have written off as a person I ever want to have anything to do with again. I can take or leave Little Girl, but she is kind of involved in The BFF’s life, so while I can be flip and give zero fucks about her, I still need to be supportive of The BFF. And then there is this other person, who I will not mention by name or otherwise right now, but ugh. If you read my blog, just…ugh. Go away. I don’t want your traffic here.

Now. I NEED TO GET MY ASS IN BED. Well. It’s already IN bed but it needs to get to sleep. Also: can we take a moment to observe the awesometasticness of Wisconsin, Libya, and Bahrain (not to mention all of the other countries fighting to have their voices heard)? Because damn, y’all. YOU ARE GETTING SHIT DONE.


With a side of powdered sugar donuts

What the hell kind of week was this? A bad one. Like, in addition to getting passed over for someone else at an awesome job and having to cobble together money to keep my car insurance current, The BFF had her own stuff go down, which I won’t discuss her but seriously, save the drama for your mama. Yesterday (Friday) was a particularly horrid type of bad, which started with me waking up after about three hours of sleep, gasping my way through a panic attack because I had another nightmare. And then there were angry words because someone was being mean and accusatory, and then there was the gathering together of change to buy an ice cream for The BFF, because she needed an ice cream.


Yeah. Some doucherag stole my card number and attempted to buy some jewelry. I declined the charge, they put a block on my card, and told me to call my bank. My bank’s customer service had closed 15 minutes earlier. Given how things have been going lately, I just broke down completely. It wasn’t any kind of “what will I do now?” breakdown. It was a “what have I done that was horrible enough to deserve all of this?” and a “I can’t do this anymore” breakdown. A friend offered to give me some gas money and cook us dinner, which was really nice, but after having to ask a bunch of friend and strangers for money (though this was done on my behalf by another friend) and having had generosity turned against me in the past (of the “I do all of this for you and you do nothing for me” type), I just couldn’t deal.

I called the bank this morning and it turns out that I was so fast in responding to Visa that the charge didn’t even go through, so I don’t have to worry about fighting to get the $90 put back in my account. It never went away! Which is good, because I actually had 96 cents in the bank.

Today has been much better. I slept in, had some really good coffee, then some really good breakfast and more coffee, and now I’m just sitting here with my friends, looking at my computer. My parents are going to make my car insurance payment since the money I have for it isn’t available right now, and I’ll pay them back this week.

I like today way better than yesterday.

Just because it’s not doesn’t mean…?

Okay. So I really haven’t done anything I meant to do here with regard to Rwanda. And I won’t, at least consistently, so don’t think about expecting to see it now that I’m making THIS post, which really has very little to do with Rwanda and very much to do with the fact that I can’t sleep.

The past few weeks have been flooded with…stuff. At least on my radar. People being extra mean, extra insensitive. The world being extra fucked up. It seems like everyday I wake up and there’s a new battle to wage, a new thing to defend myself from, a new thing to protect the people I love from. So on and so forth. There are more misunderstandings, more deaths, more nitpicking and irritation.

I mean, Obama won the election. Where is my fluffy kitten that poops rainbows?? Isn’t that what he promised?

Right now, at this moment, I am hungry and in awe of how soft my hair feels. I’m not sure why it feels so soft, but I know I have to stop touching it because it’s just going to get dirty faster. I’d eat something but there’s not really anything interesting to eat in the house.

I have a paper due on Wednesday in my class. I’m pretty sure I’ll get it done in time, so that’s not really what’s bothering me tonight. Last night, I think that’s what was bothering me. I went to bed at 6am Sunday morning and woke up a little before 1pm. Now it’s 1am Monday morning and I have to be up at 6am. That’s amusing.

Okay, so I am actually a little sleepy. I feel like I COULD sleep, if I could convince myself to actually lie down and close my eyes. But something about that feels weird and worrisome. Why should it? There’s not really any reason. I will regret not going to sleep at 11:30 or so, when I initially got into bed. But one thing kept me awake, and then another, and then I realized that I felt kind of scared to go to sleep, or just a little anxious about it, but I don’t really know WHY.

You know what I miss? I miss being able to sit down and write. Write stories. Short snippets. I miss seeing these scenes play out in my head. I miss being able to turn them over and over in my mind and have them appear on the screen exactly as I saw them. I miss that. There’s not much that excites my brain right now. Not much inspires me, which is pretty sad. I know what it is I miss. And it isn’t a what. And I know that if I go there, for real someday, not just in my mind, nothing will have changed. And it will make me so angry at myself. See, I don’t think I can actually do it and not have anything change. Nothing will, because some things have and those things that have changed now make it impossible for any of the other things to change. Back to the start, just like always.

Lately, I’ve found myself wishing I could be like Hannah Montana and have the best of both worlds. Only my worlds wouldn’t be different personae. It’d be different people. The two of them, each to serve his purpose.

But like I said, everything has changed now. One ruined the path we could’ve taken together and the other..well, he didn’t do anything, did he? And I ran away, and I ended up here, which was probably for the better. That was him on the bus that afternoon. This all started then.

Donde estan mis amigos con queso?


I don’t remember Spanish.

I hurt my thumb this morning in a stunning display of motor skills. I turned off the shower and ripped the top layer of skin off my thumb knuckle. I’m not quite sure how this happened but there was some blood and a bit of pain.

Yesterday I was internets stalking articles on my favorite obsession and discovered that he’s working on a second book. It was no official announcement, just a casual mention in an interview about processes you run into as a writer/actor/artist and how he’s running into it with his second novel. This thrilled me down to the tippest of my tippy-toes, fair readers. I have yet to finish the book because let’s face it. I am a slow reader. And also, other things distract me. Like sleep and Harry Potter marathons on TV and sleep. I’m alternately disturbed and amused that DT’s parents really did have a phenomenal meltdown over an ugly, overpriced piece of furniture. In the bathtub over the weekend, I found myself talking to Hector Kipling out loud while I read the book. He’s such a lovable guy but you really do kind of secretly hope someone drops something on his head as the book progresses.

I like this song.

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Maybe I should invest in duct tape


Apparently I don’t know my “friends” as well as I thought I did.

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Peter Rabbit’s mom told him that if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. My mom drilled this into my head when I was younger. Now I’m older and can safely ignore her advice, but today, I’m going to heed it.

Or attempt to.

But I might slip up and call someone a stupid fucking whore by accident.

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Pretty baby

This between bizarre alarm happenings (somehow between setting my clock radio last night and it going off this morning, it completely switched stations), I had a crazy dream! About Dave Matthews. Well, Dave Matthews Band but I only saw Dave in the dream, so really it was only about him. Anycrap, we (me, The BFF, some other people [perhaps J & C?]) were at a DMB show in Sacramento. We had to get in line because we had Warehouse tickets; we were being let in early* or something, so we were standing in line. I got there after everyone for some reason and as I walked up, my friends were discussing something in shocked tones.

The BFF: Why would you DO that?
J?: He looked pissed.
C?: You have to be pretty stupid to make Dave that mad.

As it turned out, this woman just nonchalantly walked up to Dave’s motor home (not kidding!) and knocked on the door, expecting him to just come outside and chill with all the fans. Dave kind of flipped out and started yelling at her and she was escorted away by Mounties. IDK.

So we’re all standing around wondering why this woman would go disturb Dave, who was trying to spend time with Ashley and the kids in their shitty motor home before the show, when she starts walking toward it again! A few people notice and try to head her off at the pass, but she starts fighting with the Mounties and the next thing I know, they’re beating the crap out of her, right in front of us. Everyone around us is just laughing hysterically; The BFF and I are telling them to stop laughing because it isn’t funny and J? and C? are trying to diffuse the situation. Then I woke up.


Friday Randomosity, brought to you by iChip:
1. Wonderwall/Disco (live) – Howie Day
2. Closer to the Heart – Rush
3. This Year’s Love – David Gray
4. Caveman – The Hereafter
5. In My Time of Dying – Led Zeppelin
6. Sleep – God Speed! You Black Emperor
7. I’ll Do Anything – Jason Mraz
8. Tell Me the Truth – Mollys Yes
9. Magic Window – Boards of Canada
10. Closing Time – Semisonic

*Kind of like in Atlanta last year when we were guaranteed to be let in an hour before anyone else and instead they let everyone in AT ONCE. Massive fail on the part of the venue.

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I won’t reveal any spoilery information here but FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

Also, some whoooorez are pissing me off today. I mean like, THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM YOU KNOW. Rude Cactus made a very interesting post today about the connectiveness of our world and damn, can I say that it is both very good and very bad? And when it is very bad, it is VERY BAD. But like most things, when it is very good, it is VERY VERY GOOD. Except for all the ways in which it is not.

You can have my coffee mug when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

ETA: I loved the SF of House! I just didn’t like SOBBING MY EYES OUT. That is all. I was an excellent SF. Heart-breaking. So rest assured! I am not actually hating on the ep!

I am, however, still v. pissed at Hart Hansen for what he did on Bones. Grr. It was an actual FAIL. Am hating on it HARDCORE.


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Friday morning free-for-all

I am in the recovery stages of recovering from MY LIFE, so this post will probably epic fail all over the intarwebz, especially since this morning already FAILed in my face when I tripped over to my local social networking site and saw STUFF ALL OVER MY DASHBOARD I MEAN WTF. Thank you for letting me know where you are. Now would you PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COME HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT*?



Right. Fail.

So when I got all the free clothes, I also got a pair of cute knock-off Wellies. You know, the shoes that are all the rage these days? This pair is black with little white polka dots and guess what it was doing this morning? ALMOST RAINING. So I wore them. They smell like rubber. But my feet were dry when I got to work, so WIN!

I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house this morning. This is odd because I didn’t stay up late and also because I spent all day yesterday sleeping. Methinks I might be slightly exhausted. But pshaw! None of that here. I did have very strange dreams though. Just before I woke up, I was dreaming I was back in my hometown, where there was a Braum’s! I have no idea how that happened. I was explaining to someone how if I had kids, I’d want them to be like Huey and Riley (The Boondocks). Except in my dream, they were named Alex and Scribbles. I think this is because I’ve been watching way too many episodes of The Wire, where everyone has a strange nickname.

Another show I’ve gotten addicted to? House. I started watching it because it comes on after Bones, so now I’m starting from the beginning. I’ve decided that I need to become as emotionally barren as House. It might make this whole dealing with life thing SO MUCH EASIER.

Friday Randomosity, brought to you by iChip:
1. Last Stop (live in Chicago) – Dave Matthews Band
2. Cynthia Mask (live in Seattle) – Colin Meloy
3. Still – Brian McKnight (WTF?)
4. The Outer Banks – The Album Leaf
5. Rough Around the Edges – Teitur
6. What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful) – The Backstreet Boys
7. Aeroplane – Red Hot Chili Peppers
8. People Are Strange – Echo and the Bunnymen
9. A Wink and a Smile – Harry Connick, Jr.
10. I Want You Back – Jackson 5

Okay. So clearly iChip is in a mood this morning.

*You’re kind of like Seeley Booth with the belt buckle. Bring it with you and we can play FORENSIC ANTHROPOLOGIST VERSUS HOT FBI GUY!

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