You’re fat because you’re dumb, you idiot

So last year or something, I joined SparkPeople because I thought that it’d be nice to keep track of my exercise. And food intake. Or something. I was steathily sneaking around pretending I wasn’t planning to diet. I was planning to “get healthy” because it was what I wanted to do. I will be honest with you (and myself) right now: that was a load of crap. I wanted to lose weight because I felt horrible about myself and no amount of telling myself otherwise worked.

That said, I have yet to unsubscribe myself from the emails they send out 800 times a day about how everyone is losing 350 pounds! It’s so easy! You can do it! And occasionally I open them up and read them because I need some entertainment in my life. I did just that today and after scanning the body of the email, I noticed the ad running along the top of my Gmail inbox: FAT LOSS 4 IDIOTS.


The site gives you the “inside scoop on dieting”, saying that you’re overweight because you eat too much while sitting on your big fat ass eating too much. And you’re doing all of that in the wrong fucking pattern. They say, “FOOD is more powerful than any prescription weight loss pills, because the FOOD that you eat can either make you THIN or FAT.” after telling you that low fat, low calorie, and/or low carb diets don’t work. So food can make you fat or skinny, except for low fat, low calorie, and low carb foods, which just don’t work. I suppose you maintain the status quo if you eat those foods. Apparently all you have to do is eat the right foods at the right intervals because if you eat the wrong foods at the wrong intervals, your body stores everything as fat.

But what if you eat the right foods at the wrong intervals? Or the wrong foods at the right intervals?

You get fat, that’s what. Because you eat too much, Fatty McFatterson.

They claim they can teach you how to lose weight, no matter how bad your genetics are. I say! Thank god I found this diet because I am SO SICK OF FADS. I mean, where else can I lose 9 pounds every 11 days? Or 11 pounds every 9 days? Or whatever it is?

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Posted on April 21, 2008, in Adventures with Sparkle Pants, All about Sparkle Pants, Fat Pants, Flocked, You made baby Jesus cry!. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Well, I’ve done fat loss for idiots and it’s the most idiotic diet ever. One day all you do it eat fruit. And can I tell you? There’s no amount of fruit that satisfies the craving for crunching something. Here’s the deal – eat less, exercise more. Period. Do I do it? No way. Am I overweight? Absolutely. Do I want to do something about it? yes. Do I? No. Why? I have no fricking clue, but I hate being overweight and I hate myself for it sometimes. Don’t we all? I’m not yet at the place where I’m desperate to do the right thing. When I got sober, I knew there were no more answers. I think I have to get to the same place with my eating. Until there are no more quick fixes and I’m thoroughly disgusted with myself, I won’t do anything. You’d think my brother losing 30 lbs would make an impact on me. Nope. I gotta do it in my own time. Ack. I hate it.

  2. lol I came across your site for one reason and found out we have two things in common. One is that we are fans of Brian Weiss,the other is that we signed up for Sparkpeople. I guess thats it. Good luck on the weight loss though.

  3. anonymous: We actually only have one thing in common. We did both sign up for SparkPeople. And thanks for the well wishes on weight loss, but I’m not looking to loss any.

  4. Health = Good.

    Unnecessary weight loss in order to conform to society’s standards of beauty and health = a tool of the white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy to keep women from turning their attention to other, more important things, such as realizing that we make up over one half the population and could easily overthrow them and … impose our own standards of beauty and health, of course.

    Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    But still – DOWN WITH PATRIARCHAL NOTIONS OF HEALTH AND BEAUTY. Obesity is not necessarily dangerous – what is important is being comfortable in your own body, and maintaining good cholesterol levels, blood pressure and etc. Fat is beautiful. Learn it. Love it. Preach it.

    Stop letting the haters and the faux!science make you tools to accomplish their ends. You are beautiful, all of you. Don’t give in, don’t give up.

  5. this website sucks. i need answers for a skool project and this doent help. fix it

  6. u suck

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