You left the house looking like THAT?

This morning I put on what to many people would seem like hardly any makeup but for me is a lot of makeup. You know, eye shadow (two! shades!) AND mascara AND blush, oh my! I put on one of my favorite outfits and my awesome $5 thrifted Sketchers boots and left the house feeling awesome. But while I was getting ready, a thought flitted through my head, a thought that almost always flits through my head before I go somewhere: will people think I’m a slob if I go out looking like this?

You see, I generally just don’t give a crap what people think, so I will leave the house in sweat pants or pajama pants (if I’m running to the store; I don’t wear these things to work, no matter how much I wish I could) and usually my hair is pulled back in a ponytail or a messy bun-like structure. I wear makeup to work and usually it’s just foundation. But at the same time, while I don’t care what people think, I do care what they think. If that makes sense. See, when you’re fat, a lot of people look at you and assume a few things:

1. All you do is eat McDonald’s/Twinkies/potato chips/lard straight from a bucket all day long.
2. You are dumb.
3. You are a lazy slob.
4. You are not human.

I know that my I-don’t-care appearance can be (and probably is) written off as a result of my fatness, which is a result of my lazy slobness, and that since I feel so rotten about myself on the inside, I can’t be bothered to look good. I’m not exactly sure who society wants me to look good for but I feel that pressure everyday when I leave the house. I don’t care what people think but I really don’t want them to think that I’m a lazy slob. So I feel extra guilty when I leave the house looking less than perfect because omg! now people will see that I am fat and a lazy slob! It angers me because I know if I knocked 100 pounds off my frame and left the house in the same condition that real me leaves the house, 100 pounds less me would have that air of cuteness and not caringness that is oft attributed to my smaller sisters. It would show that 100 pounds less me doesn’t conform to patriarchal standards! Whereas real me? Is a lazy slob who can’t take care of her appearance.

What about you guys? Not to make you think about all the ways society judges you and makes you feel worthless (because you aren’t! There is only love in the Sparkle Pantsosphere! Unless you’re a douchebag, then I reserve the right to mock you and dislike you a great deal), but do any of you experience this? Something similar? Something entirely different?

What about my male readers (I know there are like, THREE of you!)? What do you experience that is similar? Anything?

And for the record, I feel cute today, so society can bite my ass.

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Posted on February 28, 2008, in Adventures with Sparkle Pants, All about Sparkle Pants, Fat Pants, Grrlz, Rant, You made baby Jesus cry!. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hi,

    Found you via Rude Cactus and I’m a guy, so now you’re up to FOUR male readers. Could this be the start of a trend, who knows?

    As a heavier guy, I feel that I’m always “on” in the sense that people just expect me to do something hilarious or ridiculous in the Chris Farley nature. I also think that people really do assume all fat people are jolly and therefore, are not allowed to ever be upset or have a bad day.

    But these are just my two cents.

    Cheers,
    JJ

  2. I can relate! For a long time it was really hard for me to leave the house without being 100% fixed up, to the point where, even if I was only going out to exercise (at night…in the dark…) I still had to put on at least face make up and mascara, and probably lip gloss, because even if I wasn’t pretty I felt like I had to at least be trying. My self-esteem was so tentative, I wasn’t rilling to risk running into someone and having them see the darkness under my eyes .

    Thankfully, I’m a little more relaxed about those things now. I still have little standards I feel I have to meet before I can leave the house, but they don’t always include makeup and perfect hair.

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