By the end of each week, I have a bevy of plans for the weekend. These plans mostly consist of cleaning the house, organizing my life, and getting alarmingly smashed. Usually only one of those three happens. This weekend, however, it seems paramount to complete each of these tasks (especially the last one). I have to get some of these things done. Absolutely must. There have been too many last straws cast about my life lately. Enough is enough. Time for some change.
It seems lately that all efforts to correct a wobbly path have been thwarted by quite a few large snags. Money is going out but not coming in. Will we have cable and internets by the end of next week? Tough to say. How long will take for us to dig ourselves out of this hole? It’s enough to make me angry, very angry, and demand something good right now. Except that good is going on all around us. So far, we haven’t run out of food. So far, we still have a roof over our head. So far, I am still employed. Etc., etc., etc. We are still alive. No crazed gunman has shot and killed our family and friends. Our lives are good. It’s hard to see that, to understand that. Hard to see the blessings, the luck, the love, the opportunity for another five minutes with people we love.
Perhaps it is these things that keep us from being daring, keep us from loving ferociously, keep us from living life to the fullest. Perhaps these things cow us into boredom, dull day after dull day with nothing to look forward to. Perhaps these things break us apart, stretch and crack us, and make us resort to senseless violence, drug addiction, adultery, theft, deceit.
It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I’m sure it’s there, somewhere, just waiting to be seen. But then again, maybe I’m just borrowing someone else’s light. I can’t be sure anymore.