A laundry list of complaints
Because I feel like it.
+ My eyes feel like they have sand in them.
+ My eyes won’t stop watering.
+ My eyes feel insanely dry.
+ The inside of my nose burns like someone has built a little fire in my nostrils.
+ The burning in my nostrils makes my sinuses throb.
+ The throbbing of my sinuses makes my eyes water.
+ It feels like someone is punching me in the brain repeatedly with brass knuckles.
+ The noises coming from my stomach area are making me think an alien is about to burst forth from my torso.
+ Sniffling increases the burning sensation in my nose and the throbbing in my sinuses and the punching in my brain.
+ Which of course leads to more watery eyes.
+ I can’t concentrate on my work.
+ I am hungry.
+ I am going to throw up.
+ Am I pregnant?
+ Perhaps with an alien.
My best friend’s laundry list of complaints
+ All of the above, only worse.
+ The white guy in her Fem Poli class who is fighting for the rights of his African-American sisters by saying that white women have never, ever been repressed. Ever. Not even once.
+ The world in general.
Other complaints that I thought of
+ WE FLUSHED MY FISH DOWN THE TOILET LAST NIGHT.
+ I thought for a brief moment this morning that Paul Anka the Wonder Fish had gone to fishy heaven, too.
Paul Anka’s laundry list of complaints
+ Sparkle Pants shook my bowl this morning.
+ I was trying to sleep, woman.
+ I miss my little brother.