A laundry list of complaints

Because I feel like it.

+ My eyes feel like they have sand in them.
+ My eyes won’t stop watering.
+ My eyes feel insanely dry.
+ The inside of my nose burns like someone has built a little fire in my nostrils.
+ The burning in my nostrils makes my sinuses throb.
+ The throbbing of my sinuses makes my eyes water.
+ It feels like someone is punching me in the brain repeatedly with brass knuckles.
+ The noises coming from my stomach area are making me think an alien is about to burst forth from my torso.
+ Sniffling increases the burning sensation in my nose and the throbbing in my sinuses and the punching in my brain.
+ Which of course leads to more watery eyes.
+ I can’t concentrate on my work.
+ I am hungry.
+ I am going to throw up.
+ Am I pregnant?
+ Perhaps with an alien.

My best friend’s laundry list of complaints
+ All of the above, only worse.
+ The white guy in her Fem Poli class who is fighting for the rights of his African-American sisters by saying that white women have never, ever been repressed. Ever. Not even once.
+ The world in general.

Other complaints that I thought of
+ WE FLUSHED MY FISH DOWN THE TOILET LAST NIGHT.
+ I thought for a brief moment this morning that Paul Anka the Wonder Fish had gone to fishy heaven, too.

Paul Anka’s laundry list of complaints
+ Sparkle Pants shook my bowl this morning.
+ I was trying to sleep, woman.
+ I miss my little brother.

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Posted on September 19, 2006, in Pretty happy fun friends. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on A laundry list of complaints.

  1. Actually, I saw Paul Anka swimming around in his little fishy haven today, and he looked awfully smug. And then I was cooking some food to eat, and I thought – what if Paul Anka killed Pas with just the sheer force of his ANGER and DISGRUNTLEDMENT AND ALSO JEALOUSY AT NOT GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION? WHAT IF THEY HAD A STARING CONTEST AND PAUL ANKA BEAT PAS TO DEATH?

    Paul Anka IS an awful lot like a snarly teenager – and sometimes snarly teenagers like to dunk their little brothers in the toilet and drown them just cause they’re SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

    Or, you know, it could have been fishy tuburculosis.

    I still suspect foul play.

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