Create or capture
I kicked this post around in my head on the way home and as I sat down to type it, I totally forgot all the clever, intelligent things I wanted to say. It doesn’t help that I’m being distracted by Jon Stewart.
Lately I’ve been getting into photography. This foray into a new form of expression has changed the way I view the world. I am constantly looking for interesting shots, assessing the angles, capturing snapshots in my mind, mentally flipping through various exposures and settings on the camera I don’t own to come up with the best photograph. These reflections have made me realize that I don’t create, I capture. I don’t consider my stories creations; I don’t create worlds that don’t exist. I capture moments of life that are real and happening right now, even if the story is fiction.
My writing has taken a nose-dive since I’ve moved to North Carolina. Apparently leaving behind the person you kind of pretty much love (not a statement I make lightly or in public much, so pick your jaws up off the floor – yes, I just said that I pretty much am in love with someone who I want to believe might miss me, even just a little, but probably in reality hasn’t even noticed I’m gone and oy *facepalms* I can’t believe I just told you all that) makes a big impact on your creative (capturive?) impulses. Photography is beginning to touch parts of my writer brain and maybe, just maybe all this inspiration and beauty and glimpses of the world around me will make the words come back finally.
On the way home, Cry Freedom (Dave Matthews Band), came on the discman and if you’ve never heard it, you should hear it because it’s beautiful. You’re probably wondering what the song has to do with capturing vs. creating and really, there’s not much of a connection other than I can already see in my head the photographs I’ve not taken in the places I’ve never visited. There’s a particular line of the song I want tattooed around my right wrist in a beautiful script – how can I turn away? – a reminder of the suffering I’ve never known, a reminder of the atrocities around the world (past, present, future). I read an article today about Kibuye, Rwanda, nestled on the beautiful shore of Lake Kiva. A mass grave holding 10,000 genocide victims marks the map in Kibuye and I want so badly to see this beautifully contradictory place before I die. I feel connected to these people I’ve never met in a land I’ve never visited. I feel connected to humanity and for that reason, I’m going to find a Kinyarwanda word for either compassion, humanity, or mercy (all three?) and get that tattooed somewhere, too.
So these are just some of the thoughts swimming around in my head tonight. Now it’s time for bed; waking up for the badly directed namaste yoga is easier when you’ve had a good night’s rest!