Don’t bother me, Laura. I’m speechifyin’

Squinty McGee just finished his economic report card speech that was full of fabulous, let me tell you. In the fifteen minutes I actually heard/watched (shudder), there were at least three instances of him starting down one trail of thought and then completely thrashing metaphors and the English language. It was also full of that snide, lecturing rhetoric that made me feel like a petulant child. What I heard went this way:

1. LINE ITEM VETO OMGWTFHAMBURGERS!!@$!#$#$!@$!~~~~ PASS THIS PLZ OMG!#!#!#$
2. Medicare/medicaid broken! Must fix for future generations! (cut to shot of Squinty’s posse guffawing)
3. What’s His Name is WONDERFUL for giving up his private life to come do GOOD THINGS FOR OUR COUNTRY!!!
4. AMERICAN HOMELAND!!$!#$#$!!@
5. Deficit is only $296 billion and NOT $423 billion!!!!! How awesome am I???????
6. WE WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN PROTECTING OUR COUNTRY AND PROMOTING FREEDOM THROUGH LIBERTY (wha????)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. I ran for office to take care of the BIG PROBLEMS!#@$#$#$!#$!WOOTY!
8. Tax relief is making my presidency AWESOME
9. Pardon me while I snipe about “rhetoric” about budget cuts and tax breaks
10. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!#$!#@$@#@#%@#%!!!!MONEYISCOOL!@$!@$!@#$

Yeah. He’s a smarty.

Advertisements

Posted on July 11, 2006, in Lists, lolz, Sparkle Pants does Politics. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Don’t bother me, Laura. I’m speechifyin’.

  1. Don’t forget, he’s also the decider. Sorry – I thought you needed remindifying.

  2. Remindifying is my new favorite word. OF ALL TIME.

    OMGWTF!2$$!HAMBURGERS!!!!!!

%d bloggers like this: