99% of the world pisses me off.

I ghost around at the HDTB in order to catch up on the latest Howie gossip. Only there is no gossip because everyone is strictly forbidden to even utter that he is anything other than a fabulous, fabulous musician. Unless of course you are one of the beloved, then you can talk about his girlfriend all you want and not get your ass pounded by the powers that be. I dislike many of the “regulars” there, though some of them are tolerable and understandably, they’ve all known each other for 100 years since they are the most hardcorest Howie fans ever because they have been fans since he was playing Captain Nick’s and making $40 a night. Whatev.

There’s one person in particular who shames the good name of the Dave Matthews Band in his screen name. This person not only treats the “newbies” like inferior, idiot step-children, but he also is the first to tear to shreds anyone who mentions The Girlfriend because that is Howie’s personal life, you moronic fifteen-year-old child. (Also, never ask how tall Howie is because sigh, here come the fangirls…our lives are over…[he’s 6’2″ish].)

Let me state, for the record, that Howie Day has a girlfriend who has no qualms against telling everyone and their mother that she is, in fact, his girlfriend. If you want to see his personal life, watch the video for Collide. Watch the two of them cuddle and make out because yes, Virginia, that is Howie Day’s GIRLFRIEND.

But back to my point (if I have one). Why on earth must people stake claim to celebrities and the like as if they, the fan, knows best what said celebrity would and would not like people to talk about? If I ever get famous, I’m going to frequent my fan sites and forums and I am going to post rumors about myself and laugh when my “fans” yell at me for getting into my personal life.

I understand that you have met Howie about two million times and that the two of you are on a first-name basis. I understand that you have been there when he played for five people and when he played for 5,000. I understand that you know him. But please, for the love of all that is scared in this world, don’t jump up the ass of the first person who doesn’t know him. If Howie’s girlfriend was elusive and never on tour and never, ever chatting with fans and inviting them on the bus post-show, then we shouldn’t talk about her because it’s not our business. But she’s introducing herself to fans. She’s talking to them, hanging out with them, standing around the merch booth telling them she’s his girlfriend. She’s fair game. Of course, there are things that we know that we don’t discuss out of respect for his family or for the sake of his mental stability.

So to the person on that board who feels it necessary to scold and discipline new members as harshly and rudely as possible, I say suck my back. You are not the god of all things Howie and if I could, I would stab your eyes out with my knitting needles because you are a pain in the ass and not very nice and give Howie and his fans a very bad reputation. You are a wank in the truest sense and I pity the poor girl (or guy) that has teh sex with you.

And don’t even get me started on the DMB wank because I would set records for individual blog post length.

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Posted on July 13, 2005, in Rant. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on 99% of the world pisses me off..

  1. Oooh!! DMB wank!!! Plllleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeeeee?

    Well, you know, according to Gustav’s theory of disassociation from the desert of the real, Howie’s height is directly proportional to the amount of Pabst throwing, cell-phone breaking, whiny little alcoholic BITCH that he is, and we wouldn’t want any fans to know about that side of him prior to meeting him on a bad day and having their Howie love dashed against the rocks (or tour bus bathroom door). That just wouldn’t be fair.

    Fuck the pseudo DMB fan. He’s a misogynistic asshole.

    I heart you.

  2. exactly why i’ve given up on ever saying ANYTHING on the hdtb. i download the latest leno performance and that’s about it. when i won the tickets to see him at the small radio show back in december, i made a post to anyone in philly who wanted to come with me. one girl came with me, we went, had fun, took pictures with MY camera, and i was nice enough to take one with her and howard and email them to her.

    she never thanked me. i didn’t expect flowers or candy or poetry, but a simple thank you would have been nice.

    pffft.

    the hdtb is clique-y. i love my howiegirls oh-so-much. we kick so much more ass than the hdtb.

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