This is how we don’t do anything.
A survey, stolen from Mer to help pass the final forty minutes of work before leaving for the holiday.
Happy Canadia day, my Canadian friends!
1) My uncle once: told me to eat my dessert before dinner in case I got too full to have it afterward.
2) Never in my life: will I do anything that requires me to jump from something of great height by my own free will.
3) When I was five: I had a pet cow named Rosie.
4) High School was: the worst years of my life.
5) I will never forget: the day I fell in love.
6) I once met: Collective Soul in an airport.
7) There’s this guy I know who: once brushed against me and I was so depressed and he smelled so good that I wanted to do him right there.
8) Once, at a bar: I was totally high on cold medicine and sick as hell but I had two beers and a shot anyway, then drove home and had three more beers.
9) By noon I’m usually: Ready for the day to be over.
10) Last night: I was in a bad mood from flying.
11) If I had only: gotten in contact with him, I think I wouldn’t feel the gnawing ache of his absence as much.
12) Next time I go to church, I’ll: be overly suspicious of everyone I meet.
13) Terry Schiavo: is in a much better place.
14) What worries me most: is that I’ll move and nothing will change. It will only get worse.
15) When I turn my head left, I see: Empty offices and a ladder.
16) When I turn my head right, I see: L’s workspace and J’s dark office.
17) You know I’m lying when: I act happy.
18) You know what I miss most about the eighties: Not being grown up.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: Ophelia.
20) By this time, next year: I have no idea what I’ll be doing.
21) A better name for me would be: Jo.
22) I have a hard time understanding: myself.
23) If I ever go back to school I’ll: get my MFA in writing.
24) You know I like you if: you make me laugh. (But actually this is a really shite question because there is no way I act when I like people. I act how I act, regardless of how I feel about you.)
25) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: My parents.
26) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: are people.
27) Take my advice, never: look down.
28) My ideal breakfast is: french toast, hash browns, and coffee.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson.
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you seek professional help.
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: are my favorite flowers, make him heartbreakingly beautiful in my eyes, will be implanted in our brains before we know it, need to really reconsider their career choices.
32) Why won’t anyone: listen to me?
33) If you spend the night at my house, don’t: freak out at that smell. It’s totally normal.
34) I’d stop my wedding for: the birth of my baby.
35) The world could do without: Britney Spears.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
37) My favorite blonde is: Howie Day.
38) PAPER CLIPS are more useful than: folding the corners of the paper down.
39) If I do anything well, it’s: hide.
40) And by the way: your fly is down.