In these things, you will find solace
One of the challenges of starting an “open” blog is that anyone can read it. Any number of people can find out all sorts of things about me. I know that I can draw lines and I will, but there are some lines that need to be smudged in order to maintain my sanity because not everything I post here will be rainbows and butterflies.
That said, did anyone watch Grey’s Anatomy last night? Did anyone else want to throttle that mother who complained about buying her daughter a pair of size six jeans because she had gotten “too fat” during her freshman year at college? I felt sick about it and as I sat there, I felt all my lumps and squishy bits grow to ten times their actual size. In my stomach, I felt the weight of everything I had eaten yesterday. I thought about how horrible the weekend was for me on that level, how badly I wanted to give up. And it made me want to kill that woman. Character though she was, people like that exist. How do I get past my understanding of this? How do I push past their judgement and accept myself as I am? How do I get healthy, mentally, so that I’m rid of this disease?
I just ate a bagel over the period of an hour, due to interruptions and my fear of even taking the tiniest bite in front of people. How did I get here?